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Look Away Because I’m About To Reveal Too Much

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So, I don’t know about Y’all, but I’m a freak. I mean, the freakiest freakshow in Freakdom. I’m so weird; I can barely stand myself sometimes. Ever feel that way; or am I alone?

How am I a freak? Well…

1. I talk about the Lord, a lot.

2. I am exactly who I am and don’t try to sugar coat it.

3. I wear my emotions/insecurities on my sleeve.

4. I say exactly what I mean with very little filter.

5. I’m absurdly nosey.

6. I say things that, in my head, fit nicely into a conversation, but to the other participants in said conversation, they are wildly off-topic.

7. I quote music lyrics, Scripture, and movie lines almost constantly.

8. I will say “Hi” and introduce myself, whether you want me to or not.

Why am I writing about my freakiness? Well…

We are a military family and move A TON. When I say “a ton,” I mean ten times in the last 15 years. In those 15 years, I’ve met lots of people. Many of those people realized I was a freak. Many of those people were pretty freaky themselves. I’ve made best friends, lost best friends, made tons of acquaintances, and totally scared away more potential friends than I care to count or consider. And, guess what? Here I am… again… in a new place, new church, new CC community, new neighborhood, new everything, with no new besties… yet.

When I was a kid and a young adult, I cared SO MUCH about what others thought of me. I would lay awake for hours going over conversations that I had that day, a month ago, a year ago, and either sob in my pillow or roll over in unbelievable embarrassment. The idiotic dribble that would (and still does) slip from my lips made/makes me want to crawl under a rock.

The difference as an adult, though, is that when someone doesn’t like me, I don’t care.

Let me explain: Everyone is not always going to enjoy and “get” everyone. Everyone is not going to always be “besties”. Everyone is not always going to want to hear about how passionate I am about homeschooling and eating well, and how macarons are the best dessert ever invented (that one is a little more about me).

This is the thing: As long as I am doing/saying what the Lord tells me, I need not worry. Of course, our sin nature wants to sneak in (Ugh, and does mine ever!) and make us say something prideful or audibly sigh at the lady in the grocery store that keeps cutting her eyes at me when I’m standing in the dairy aisle with the door open because I can’t decide which kind of milk I want because my brain is so fried that I can’t decide if it’s cheaper to buy the milk I have a coupon for, or if it would be cheaper just to buy the cheaper milk… But I digress…

I may be the freakiest freaky freak, but some love me just the way I am. It may take me a long while to make friends in a new place, but I know that the Lord and my hubby, and my kiddos are my best friends. The Lord may not bring me a new kindred spirit that will be my bosom buddy forever like Diana and Anne, but I can only strive to listen really closely to Him and be led by Him entirely.

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