Did you know that women generally speak about 20,000 words a day, compared to men, who speak about 7,000. I don't find this hard to believe, and honestly with four children, I'm guessing I go above and beyond that 20,000. This study in James has me seriously considering how many of these words are used to edify my family. I already posted about how I speak to my children, in the post A Mother's Tongue, and now I am sitting here contemplating the many words I have for my husband.
The Bible has a lot to say about a nagging or quarrelsome wife, just take a look at these verses:
It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21:9
A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike; Proverbs 27:15
It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman. Proverbs 21:19
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12:4
The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down. Proverbs 14:1
If you're anything like me, you probably hate to be told you are nagging, and yes I do believe many husbands know this is a hot button and can use it as a way to excuse doing things that need to be done, or listening to what his wife may be trying to say. BUT at the end of the day, no amount of nagging will change a husband's heart, and words are one of the quickest ways to drag a husband into the pit of despair.
As a woman who has been divorced and then remarried to the same man, I feel like I have more of an insight into the mind of my husband than I would have ever previously experienced. When we were going through our divorce John said things to me, that he would have never said before. Sure many of the things he said were out of anger and frustration, and they were exaggerated, but I heard every word, and it taught me a lot about what was going on inside his head, and in his heart.
Men come across as emotionless and strong. They are rational by nature and they don't respond to things the way we do. But if you think for a second that the hurtful words that come out when you are angry or fighting don't affect them, think again. They hear those words, even if they don't respond, and they do take them to heart, even if you don't mean them. Most men will just bury the insults, condemnation, and judgment deep down inside until it builds up like a pressure cooker, and they just can't take it anymore.
So my warning to you, and to myself is to follow the advise of James and be mindful that your small rudder, or the bit in the horses mouth is indeed steering and leading your husband. The question is, is it leading him out the door, or to the cross? Are your words steering your husband into leadership or into the arms of another. WHAT DID I JUST SAY? Yea, I said that and I meant it.
It is your husbands job to be faithful, don't get me wrong, but if you don't give him the love, acceptance, and adoration he yearns for, there are plenty of women out there who are more than willing.
Your words have the power to move your family to great things, or tear your family apart.
I don't know about you, but my prayers this week are all about taming my tongue because the fires they cause can be eternal.
View 31 Days Through The Book Of James here.