I can't live like this anymore.
I just can't.
I'm so tired of wasting my life, wasting my time here on stupid,meaningless, actually nothingness.
What am I here for? What is my purpose? What would you have me do here Lord?
My heart is hurting for the people around me, the people around the word.
There is SO much need, and what do I have to give? That is my question to God.
And yet I know that I don't even have to ask, not really.
From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked. Luke 12:48
Yeah, crazy right verse in the Bible. If Spider-Man only knew.
I live in the USA, and while we love to claim that the majority of us live below the poverty line, I would love to ask just how are those numbers determined? We have so much more. So much more than so many around us. I am sick of consumer churches, but more than that, I am sick of my own consumer heart.
I WANT WANT WANT
Oh, how my heart longs to replace the only need I have (a relationship with Christ) with so many subtle and deceptive pleasures of this world. Building a relationship with the Son of God takes work, seeking first the kingdom of God doesn't come naturally, so while my heart yearns for Heaven, my hands grab at everything I can see and hope will pacify this burning desire in my heart.
I can't live like this anymore. So I won't live like this anymore. Not by God's grace.
Things are going to change around here (and by around here, I mean in my heart). I am going to put more focus on seeking and less on gaining. If I truly want to gain life, I have to lose it. So I'm making that my goal.
God, please help me seek you, and you alone.
I heard something in a sermon last week that really opened my eyes. God doesn't need me, I know this. BUT he will use me if I submit myself to Him. The pastor said "God will do more, with one act of faithfulness, that you could do in a thousand lifetimes". I do believe that.
I want to hear from you! What is God doing in your heart?