I mentioned in my previous post: That Time I Got Divorced Then Remarried The Man That Divorced Me, that before John and I got married God did some pretty amazing things. I want to share some of the things that led up to our remarriage.
While, I believe God is always working, there are times in your life when you just can't deny what God is doing, and even if you try to doubt, He gives you even more "proof" that you're not crazy, you're just truly experiencing His power.
I'll start with two short entries from my journal:
Feb 11th 2014
Today I woke up at 1:57am. I initially tried to go back to sleep, but I was suddenly wide awake. I have a firm belief that God will wake us out of a peaceful sleep to talk to us. Maybe it’s because he will have our full attention or because we are less likely to argue with him, but I could tell he had something to say to me, I just didn't have a clue what it could be. So I was awake and I knew snow was coming so I decided it would be smart to go to work early that day.
Then something in me felt like it might also be nice to get the kids from school and watch them through the night so John wouldn’t have to arrange sitters for them while he was on duty. While I had no clue where this thought came from I wanted to make sure that this was indeed from God. So I read in my Bible and prayed that God would make it clear to me. When I read in my Bible, I read about Abraham being counted righteous because of his faith. Wow!
That day I got off from work at noon and started my drive to Elizabeth City. I didn't check the weather before I left because I didn't expect it to snow where I was headed. Little did I know the city of Tarborro was about to get hit hard with snow and ice. As I was driving through the city I knew that God’s timing had been perfect. Not only did he wake me up at the perfect time, but I had finished my day in just enough time to get through the storm before it got too bad. I praised God as I drove through the storm. And like any flesh wearer I questioned whether I was doing the right thing in the scary spots.
I arrived safely in Elizabeth City and praised God for everything he had done that day. You see God knew how the day would unfold and because of the grace he lavished on me, I followed him where he was leading.
After I arrived in Elizabeth City I spent time with my children and only saw my ex a limited amount of time because he had duty that day.
February 12th 2014
Today, John worked until noon. We spent the day together, went out for lunch, and emailed the pastor. We both had so many questions about where we were headed, if forgiveness would be enough to make our marriage work, and how long we should wait to get married if that's what we knew God wanted us to do. He just happened to have an opening due to a cancellation so we went to see him, and tell him what was going on with us. We talked about how we both felt like God was calling us to restore our vows to each other.
So at this point, God has called me to drive 3 hours to help and spend time with my ex. Before this point there was no talk of marriage, just hypothetical... could you forgive me, what would life look like questions. After meeting with the pastor, I realized for the first time that John truly did feel that God was calling him to reconcile with me.
At this point things started to get real for me. After all, I was finally where I wanted to be in life. My life was only getting better. I was closer to God than ever, I loved my church in Cary, I had a great job with great pay, that I was really good at, and it felt like everything had started to fall into place for me.
I remember feeling like God was calling me to trust him like Abraham had. I was reading in the New Testament because that's where I was in my daily reading, and everything I read every.single.day related to exactly what we were going through. It was almost scary how each day came with clear direction from God.
Could It Be More Clear?
For example, John had considered filing charges over things that were taken from his house during the fall out with his fiance and what was my reading that night you ask?!
When one of you has a grievance against another, does he dare go to law before the unrighteous instead of the saints? Or do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world is to be judged by you, are you incompetent to try trivial cases? Do you not know that we are to judge angels? How much more, then, matters pertaining to this life! So if you have such cases, why do you lay them before those who have no standing in the church? I say this to your shame. Can it be that there is no one among you wise enough to settle a dispute between the brothers, but brother goes to law against brother, and that before unbelievers? To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded? 1 Corinthians 6: 1-7
So what can you say to that? Can you deny when God clearly speaks His word on your heart? Well, you can, but what's the point?!
The weekend came to an end and I prayed so hard about what to do. I didn't want to leave, John and the kids didn't want me to leave, but I had a job that I needed to get back to, and John was worried about finances, so quitting my job didn't seem smart, but then again, when God tells you to leave your home country and go to a foreign land you can either stay behind questioning Him or you can step out in faith trusting Him to lead and provide.
Who am I kidding, we are still humans, no matter how much he had shown us we asked one more time.
I packed up and prepared to leave, and as we headed out to the garage, John said if God doesn't want you to leave maybe your car won't start...
I got in a turned the key in the ignition and NOTHING HAPPENED!
We both started laughing hysterically, and that answered that.
I wish I could say that all of these things kept us strong in our faith, and that we never doubted what God was doing, but as soon as it got hard we questioned.
Isn't that what Abraham did though? As soon as he got scared he forgot all God had promised. He forgot what he had so clearly seen God do, and heard God say. He forgot to trust God, and he relied on himself, and in doing so made some pretty serious mistakes, but God never left Him, and Abraham walked out the plan God had for him. That is my prayer for our marriage, that as much as we fail, we will never stop following after God.