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Crying Out In Blood- Why Teen Cutting Happens

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Teen cutting was newer to parents when I was doing it. Now more parents are aware of it, and it’s consequences. This is my story. 

Crying Out In Blood My Teen Cutting Story

Teen cutting is something every parent needs to understand. It’s something that you can’t turn away from, because it is happening. If it’s not happening in your own home, it’s probably happening in the house of someone you care about. 

This is my story; I hope it helps someone.

When I was about 14, I met a boy; he was depressed, a thinker who felt misunderstood. He kept a razor blade in his locker. He taught me that cutting could take your pain away and help you feel “in control.” He was right about the cutting. I know because I tried it. It was powerful, more powerful than even I knew.

When I was 14, my life wasn’t like other kids my age (or so I thought). I spent time thinking about things other kids had no concerns about. I didn’t understand life, and I was in pain. I was depressed because life didn’t make sense.

I hurt deeply for those around me, both those I knew personally, and those I had never even met. My heart was always heavy, and I often felt confused about everything.

I wanted to be “good” and make my parents happy, but I also wanted to have fun, and do what all the other kids were doing. It was sort of a catch 22. The more “fun” I had, the worse I felt about myself and my life. Even though everyone around me cared about me, I didn’t feel it.

I felt alone, and mainly I felt out of control.

I smoked weed to numb the feelings of guilt, and it worked during the high.

After that, it was even worse than before the drugs. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I just couldn’t seem to make the right choices. So I started to take control by cutting.

When my parents would do something I didn’t like or try to get me to do something I didn’t want to do, I would slice the skin and watch it bleed. I would control the amount of pain I felt, and as the blood flowed, it released everything that was built up inside. It felt freeing for a while. I felt in control; no one could hurt me more than I could hurt myself.

I wanted to be loved, to be understood, not to feel the pain. I wanted someone to pay attention to me.

Cutting brought attention my way, but it was not the attention I yearned for. Instead of hugs, it brought arm restraints and hospital beds. I was trapping myself in a life that wasn’t a life at all.

That’s the thing about cutting; it’s extremely dangerous. Even when you think you’re in control, you’re not.

When Teen Cutting Goes Further Than You Expect 

When I was 15, my mom and I were arguing, and I was threatening to run away with my boyfriend. When she told me she was going to call his mom, I snapped. I felt so helpless, and out of control, I did the only thing I knew to do to stop everything around me. I went into my bedroom, grabbed a box cutter, and slashed my arm.

It wasn’t until I saw the fat and muscle of my arm and watched the blood slowly flow through the veins that I realized I had gone too far. I couldn’t undo what I had done.

Every day I see the scar and remember the choice I made that day. I would be lying if I said I have never felt the urge to try and medicate the pain of this life. I would be lying if I said I didn’t still hurt deeply for those around me, the ones I know personally, and those I’ve never met. But I’ve found a better way.

Cutting didn’t make my life easier; it did the opposite.

There is hope; there is more to this life than the pain you may be feeling.

Please, whatever you do, don’t give up! If you’re a cutter, I promise you there is a better way. If you are trying to help a cutter, I hope this post helps you better understand how they may be feeling.

If you feel like no one understands, I’m begging you to email me. I care about you and understand what you are going through.

You can always comment below if you need help, and I will keep the comment unpublished and reach out to you. 

Parents, since this post, I have learned that cutting isn’t the only way children hurt themselves to deal with strong emotions or to feel in control. If you see your child pinching themselves, pulling out their hair, or any other bodily harm, please seek medical help. 

For more help with this issue visit this site 

Related Teen Life posts: 

Running away from home 

Stealing from Claire’s 

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