What do you do, when heaven feels so far away?
Today I read a post by my new friend Erin. The post When You're Not Sure How To Be In The World really resonated with me because I too have felt this way.
I was in this same place she writes about, a month ago when I posted Frustrated, Waiting For God. I was so ready to speak, move, lead, do something, anything.
How sweet it is when He answers, but sometimes in He answers in such unexpected and painful ways. I am glad I didn't know what He would do because I would have dreaded it, and taken back my request for a directive. I had no idea that the first time I would be led to speak it would be at my mother-in-law's funeral. A funeral we were not prepared for, that came out of nowhere, yet was beautiful. Beautiful, in all the ways He made her beautiful. She would have loved it.
His grace is sufficient and his power made strong in my weakness. I am closer to Him now than I have ever been, and want less to do with the world than ever, but the desire, oh, that deep desire still remains. A desire to be a part of the world, because the world is right here, right now.
And Heaven, well Heaven feels so far away.
You see, I am experiencing heart changes every day. Everything I once wanted, to have a successful blog, to make lots of money, to dress myself and our children in fashionable name brand clothing, to make a name for myself... these things are so colorless now. They hold no hope, no excitement for me.
Every once in a while I will feel the surge of energy the things of this world previously sent through me. Like the desire to decorate my home for fall. To go out and purchase decor we can't afford, to satisfy my own "need" for projects. I want to live here, when living for Heaven isn't on my mind. I want to make this place so warm and cozy.
Yet, as I spend each morning in prayer and in the word my devotion to this place fades. He is creating in me a craving to live for my true home, an eagerness to get home, and a yearning to introduce others to a place they can call home, it is so powerful.
So what do you do, when Heaven feels so far away?
I long to go home, to be with my family that has passed on, to see Jesus, to experience the rewards of service to our King, and mostly to satisfy the hunger in my soul. I want to experience everlasting peace and rest, but it's not today, not for me anyway. So I will live like I am a college student anticipating Christmas vacation. I will call home every day, and prepare myself for the day my Daddy buys my plane ticket.
Heaven probably isn't as far away as it seems, so I will make the most of the time I'm given here. In the here and now it is my time to learn, time to grow, and most importantly time to share Jesus, so I can bring some friends along with me.
Oh, how I long for that embrace, to hear Him speak my name. One day my Prince will come, and I will be ready. Will you?