This is my redemption story. From getting divorced to getting remarried, God was by my side every step of the way. I couldn't always feel his presence, and there were times when I didn't deserve it, but I can see now that He knew exactly what He was doing. He knew the plans He had for me, but I didn't and it killed me.
Thrown Into Adulthood
I married John when I was 18, we got pregnant, moved to another state, and started our lives. After our first son was born we started having some serious issues in our marriage and we turned to our last resort... church. We had our problems like most couples do, but our biggest issue was communication. Neither of us knew how to communicate, and we were both very selfish. After almost 13 years together (10 years of marriage) John decided that he couldn't take the fighting and feelings of being controlled any longer so he filed for divorce. He also cheated on me, but it took me a little while to find out about that.
During the divorce I honestly thought I would die. I thought my life was over, and this man that I had once loved had become a monster. Of course dealing with him like that also brought out a monster in me, but I tried to be faithful and trust God. I wanted to believe He was in control and had a plan for my life, but I couldn't see what that plan was and it killed me. John basically abandoned everything he had ever claimed to believe, and would only say God had never helped him so he was going to do life on his own.
After a while I got mad at God as well. I did things I never thought I would do, and I became a shell of a person. Anyone who knows me would say that I was not the person they once knew during this time in my life. You can read all about my downward spiral here. Meanwhile, during my downward spiral, John had attempted to reconcile once (after the divorce was final), but I didn't trust him, and honestly I possibly hated him (anger/hate they are pretty much the same thing). John was going back to church, but he was living with his girlfriend (the girl he cheated on me with), and he didn't seem to be changing much, and still seemed mad at God.
The Short Walk Home
So after going through the fire of being divorced and failing miserably I started going back to church, and I couldn't get enough. God opened my eyes to things I had never truly known before I fell, and I was once again in love with God. I had never given up on the idea of John and I being remarried, but at the same time I don't think I wanted it. It was a weird mixture of feelings. I found out he planned to propose to his girlfriend and to be honest I was relieved. I knew that once he got married, I could finally let go and know for sure that remarriage was NOT God's plan for me.
Everything changed as soon as I finally let go of John. I remember the day I gave my old marriage up to God and I was finally finished fighting God for John to come back to me. I finally accepted that God was in control of it all, and for the first time in almost two years I was ok. I was okay with John marrying his girlfriend, and I honestly wanted the best for him. I prayed daily that both of them would turn to God and raise our children in a home where both of them loved Jesus.
Answered Prayers After Letting Go
When I would talk to John, I would tell him all I was learning about grace, and he would tell me about what God was doing in his heart. He was attending a sermon series based on the book Let Hope In, and God was using these sermons to speak to his heart. The truth was, that as much as he had ever tried to convince me that he was happy with his new life, he had to work a lot harder, and drink a lot more to convince himself that being divorced was what God wanted for his life. He was finally tired of fighting God. He came to a point where he knew that if he didn't choose to follow God he would never have peace.
So in February he broke off his engagement and we started going to counseling and got remarried.
I am in awe of all God has done, and continues to do. After we got married the fires and trials started immediately. Thankfully God has been working in us and we have learned to communicate and show love in ways that we never experienced in our marriage before.
We will never have the perfect marriage, but we are both happy and couldn't ask for more than what we have right now!
Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." “The things that God unites let not a son of man separate.” Therefore, don't let anyone separate what God has joined together." Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Mark 10:9
God Did What?
There are so many details I can't wait to share about some of the things God did, but to keep this under 1000 words, I'll have to put those things in a separate post. Sorry 😉 - Update: You can now read God Did What? here.
Thank you, to everyone who prayed for us, and never stopped praying that we would be reconciled. We love you!