First comes love….
I met my husband 12 years ago. Our story is unique but not unlike most couples. We fell in love and were married in 2007.
Then comes marriage….
We were married 4/21/2007 a little over 4 years from the time we met. I had a job I was very happy in and couldn’t wait to advance. My husband Jim, was still looking for his niche. Telling you that might have you understanding why we continued on our path of developing ourselves and our marriage with no kids in sight. It wasn’t long before Jim found his happy and I received the promotion that I desired. Jim and I started talking about babies and how that would affect our lives and if we were ready to start trying. Well I will briefly interrupt the baby quest story to introduce W and how we became parents of the 6 year old second cousin of my husband! This put baby talk on hold as we adjusted to life with a 6 year old and learned very quickly with the help of family and friends how to become parents! That is a story for another time though. So after a year or so the baby talk seem to creep back into conversation. So you think you know what happens next right?
Here comes the baby carriage?
But it wasn’t that easy. We tried the old fashion way and after a year of no results sought out the help of my OBGYN. He determined through many factors that I might need a little help getting started so he recommend the drug Clomid as the treatment. With the drug treatment comes a routine booty call schedule-yes guys this sounds exciting, guaranteed booty time, but when it becomes forced it really isn’t. I took so many pills for so many days charting ovulation and then bam on that day, that time, BOOTY!! Again, not as romantic as either party prefers it to be. After each try I had to follow up with a blood test to check for a baby. With every appointment our hopes dropped and frustration grew. After 6 months of no results Dr. M decided to switch my medication.
With the first, I was already experiencing some mood swings and fatigue, with the second it became a roller coaster of emotions. Some days looking back I am really surprised my husband didn’t divorce me over this, which leads me to say that I can understand how this process can drive you apart if you aren’t 100% in, knowing all the side effects as a couple. The second 6 months became scripted: count the days, take the meds, schedule lovemaking, count the days again, schedule the blood test and feeling of fear and hopelessness through the days in between. These were the only things that we expected to be consistent. Consistently negative. Each appointment came and went with no results. My breaking point came when I flat out yelled back at my boss during one of her visits. She critiqued something that wouldn’t otherwise have bothered me but the medication in my body was making my emotions go crazy. I just flipped! After we discussed what happened and she understood, I went to my car and called my husband and spent the next 20 minutes crying hysterically on the phone to him. I couldn’t do it anymore I told him, we had to find another way. The next appointment to Dr. M gave us the only option left, to see a fertility specialist.
We came home devastated. I had friends who had been down the same path and had a good idea of the money it could cost. I know you can’t put a price on a child’s life, but unfortunately you have to if you have to pay someone to help you get there. We considered adoption as we already were at that point with a family child we were caring for, but wanted a child of our own, to see the traits of each one of us reflecting in our child. I wanted to carry that baby inside me and feel the miracle that is life. Was that so hard to ask as I watched girlfriends and family alike do it with some ease?!? So when we thought it through the choice wasn’t that hard at all, I called UNC fertility the next day to set up the introductory appointment.
This post was written by Krystle Walton a Faithfully Free contributor