NOTE: This was written on my private blog on December 1st ( before I knew what was about to happen in my life, although I still feel the same way).
As I read the book, “What’s It Like To Be Married To Me” by Linda Dillow I am confronted by a number of things that need to change in my life and marriage.
The first being gratitude. Complaining is my native tongue. I do it so much I don’t even realize I am doing it. “Man, these dishes stink”, “Why, so you have to disobey me all the time”, “My life isn’t what I want it to be”. These words can come out of my mouth within 5 minutes. Instead I could be thanking God for healthy and happy children, a husband who is a great provider, and a family I can count on. I am so weak in this area. While I have started to pay more attention to my words and thoughts, I still have such a long way to go. I am thankful that God is faithful to complete the work he has started in me!
The second hard hitting area this book addresses is the issue of respecting my husband. OUCH! As much as I would love to say I have a small measure of success in this area… I Do Not! I have nagged, and hen pecked my husband to near death for over 10 years. I found myself saying there was nothing to respect about my husband, and that he needed to earn respect because he wasn’t that great at loving me (see above).
Oh, how God rescues us from the chains that leave us bound and in despair. It wasn’t that my husband wasn’t worthy of my respect, but that my eyes had been covered by years of deceit, by the great liar. It was like the scales Paul experiences fell away from my eyes, and for the first time in my life I realize what a treasure I have in my husband.
Now I daily fight back the urge to be the “old me” and try to put on the words, encouragement, and faith to be the new me, that God is creating me to be. I feel like I don’t deserve to see things the way I am now, that after 10 years of marriage I don’t deserve to be loved by such an amazing man. So I thank God for grace, and the love my husband does have for me.
Now as I start to show respect, and learn to respect more and more about my husband, God throws me a blessing to remind me that He sees what I do in secret. My husband has been more loving, and every day a little more sweetness, and tenderness seeps into our marriage. I feel a friendship forming, and a common bond that had been chipped away.
God is so good, and I pray that I never forget all He has done in me