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Blogging While Married – It Can Be Dangerous!

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WARNING: This post should not be read while operating heavy machinery (yes, get off your iPad)!

Since I began blogging a mere six months ago I have learned a lot (and have a lot to learn) about the life of a blogger. I took a serious nose dive into this crazy world of blogging without really knowing it was indeed a separate world in and of itself!

There are two types of bloggers, the casual bloggers and those who blog as a “job”. I fall into the second category and those are the bloggers I am thinking of as I write this post!

I have noticed a very depressing trend among bloggers who blog for income.

D.I.V.O.R.C.E. or separation, constant fights and arguments and it pains me to witness these things happening all around me. While some would say that blogging has nothing to do with their marital problems, I think many would agree that blogging can bring about a bit of unwanted stress. Now before you start getting upset, hear me out on this. I do NOT think that there is anything wrong with blogging and I do believe that you can be HAPPILY married and blog, but it takes balance, compromise, boundaries, and self-sacrifice!


Everything I am typing comes from my OWN personal experience not what I think my friends are going through, or any conclusions I have drawn about other families. These are things I have personally dealt with and what I have learned (and am continuing to learn).

As a SAHM I have so many things I am required to do on a daily basis. I have to keep my house clean, spend quality time with my kids, cook, shop, answer calls, make calls, pay bills, and that’s all before lunch! When you throw blogging into the mix you have to make sacrifices. For me these sacrifices come in the form of giving up my favorite shows, blogging while the girls nap (my own quiet time), and blogging after the kids are in bed.

The problem for husbands and wives come in when the husband is the one being sacrificed. Before a few weeks ago I was doing just that! I was blogging any time I had a spare moment. I blogged all weekend long. If I wasn’t blogging I was looking for things to blog about or checking my email, or networking. I wasn’t spending any time with my husband (and I was falling behind in everything else).

Thus began a vicious cycle of arguments and hurt feelings. I felt like he didn’t care about me because my constant “computer time” made him mad and he felt like I loved my blog more than him. “But this is my job” I would say. You said I can have a job, and now I do, and you only want to take that from me”. I think what happens is we begin to try and compare ourselves with our husbands. They are allowed to go out and work all day and they can’t allow us the same? I really had those thoughts. What I have come to realize is that he is not a stay at home mom, I AM! I chose to stay home, and I am proud of that choice! In choosing that it does limit what I am able to do as far as my “blogging job” is concerned. I don’t get 8 hours a day to blog. I can only blog on my own time. I, as a wife and a mom owe it to my family to be there for them! I love my husband and I took a vow that said he was my one and only and I plan to do everything in my power to hold true to that commitment.

Let me ask you a question. When you started blogging did you say to yourself, I am willing to give up everything in my life for this blog? My marriage, my children, my friends and family? I doubt it. You don’t start out that way, it happens slowly, over time, without you really noticing. You grow farther and farther apart because you make a choice to. You choose not to watch TV with him, you choose to blog while he talks to you (or check your email), you choose to only half listen to him when he talks to you because you are so invested in what you have going on.

These are not pretty and your first reaction may be anger but if you have done any one of those things (like I have) then you need to consider the possibility that you are saying you are willing to give up the love of your life for a BLOG!

That’s where I was, a few weeks ago. Letting my marriage slip away. I am the type of person who could spend all day online, by myself, just sitting. Marriage is work, and it has a much bigger pay out than blogging! I have to sacrifice what I want for what he needs. I want to blog and he wants my time. He should have my time and my heart because that’s what I promised him!


Can you relate? Here are some things I have found that can help:

– Make sure you are on the same page about blogging as your “job”, he needs to understand what your goals are, what you have to do to reach them, and why you want to do it.

– Make a schedule for your blogging. I will “work” these hours. Be flexible and remember that your top priorities (husband and kids) may get in the way of that sometimes and it’s OK! Imagine if you woke up one day and they were gone, you would welcome the interruptions! Even with a schedule you may still come up against disagreements in how you spend your time but if you are really managing your time wisely and everything else is getting done just reiterate that you went over the schedule together but if changes need to be made you are willing to talk about it.

– Make a list of your top priorities (Mine are Husband,Children,Family, Blog). Keep it at your desk and remind yourself that your blog is not your #1 and live like you mean it!

– Make time to play games with each other laugh together, and just cuddle!

– Get out of the house and away from your blog, computer, iPhone, and anything else that disconnects you from him!

– Think on the things about him that make you love him! Think on them OFTEN!

I don’t want to lose my marriage to my blog and I don’t want to see you lose yours either! If you are dealing with these things please fight for your marriage! You can email me any time just to talk, I am a good listener!

Have you found things that help keep a marriage strong and home life balanced while being a blogger? I would love to hear about them!

 

UPDATE:

This year I have been blogging for 6 years in October. During the past six years I have been divorced and remarried to my ex-husband. You can read about that here: The Time I Got Divorced, Then Remarried The Man That Divorced Me.

 

While I don’t blame my blogging 100%, it did have something to do with the reason things around my house got worse. I communicated much less with my husband, I stayed up late almost every night (so he usually fell asleep on the couch alone), and I was obsessed with the online world, and wasn’t really living outside of that. I wish I would have taken my own advice, but I chose my blog/career over my husband. As soon as he was gone, I realized exactly what I had given up, and I regretted it. I praise God that we worked things out and I was able to reconcile. Please don’t make the same mistakes I did. 🙂

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keepinitcheap

Friday 17th of August 2012

That's great Jessica! It is a hard balance for sure!

Sherri

Sunday 10th of April 2011

Nice Job. Very insightful!

Heather

Tuesday 5th of April 2011

whew... needed this :-)

When hubby gets home from work he has baby time... and I have blog time. He complains about that time. He loves his baby but hates me on the computer. If only he could surveillance me all day long...

Over Thirty Mommy

Monday 4th of April 2011

Wow, are we twins? This sounds so much like me and my blogging experience but I am a more casual blogger (only because I have not figured out how to make money at it) and I would have to add in that along with being a SAHM, Wife, and BLogger, I am also trying to start a business. There are not enough hours in the day.

CrazyMoM

Monday 4th of April 2011

great tips.. and I can totally relate... thanks for sharing this ....and I'm also a workaholic with a full time job, and the blog and the kids and family.. I try to keep everyone happy...

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